{"id":14,"date":"2015-04-06T22:07:57","date_gmt":"2015-04-06T22:07:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=14"},"modified":"2016-01-08T10:07:09","modified_gmt":"2016-01-08T10:07:09","slug":"blurbs","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/?page_id=14","title":{"rendered":"Blurbs"},"content":{"rendered":"

Herbert Brewers Dirty Little Secret. (Banned in China!)<\/h2>\n
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Herbert Brewers Dirty Little Secret By Spade Braithwaite.<\/p><\/div>\n

Herbert Brewer\u2019s Dirty Little Secret <\/b>is the first in a series of savagely funny, social-adventure novels calculated to appeal to\u00a0the readership that has made Douglas Adams, John Kennedy Toole, Terry Pratchett and Tim Dorsey so successful.<\/p>\n

When the fictional nation of Amsarnie becomes reluctantly involved in the politics of a foreign war, Prime Minister Dereck Cartright is appalled to discover that his country\u2019s armed forces only really exist as an expenditure statistic.<\/p>\n

Under extreme pressure, Dereck conceives a plan to create an army by drafting young men from areas of low, electoral participation.<\/p>\n

Claust is a notoriously tough, industrial, desert town with the worst record of political apathy in the country.\u00a0 Claust matriarch, eighty-three-year-old Jenny Won Baker operates the town\u2019s premier brothel with a passionate, maternal energy.<\/p>\n

Encouraged by the leading citizens, Jenny engineers bizarre scheme to confuse the draft that transports the whole country to the very brink of civil war.<\/p>\n

Herbert Brewer\u2019s Dirty Little Secret <\/b>introduces the wonderful, imaginary country of Amsarnie.\u00a0 From the outset, the story chases the reader from pub to Parliament, penthouse to police cell and back to the pub.\u00a0 The\u00a0 conflicts unfold in all the colors of modern life, experienced through a diverse assortment\u00a0of sympathetic characters at every level of humor.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

Strange Monkey Sex (Banned in China!)<\/h2>\n
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Strange Monkey Sex By Spade Braithwaite<\/p><\/div>\n

In Strange Monkey Sex, <\/strong>the second Amsarnie installment the United Nations have offered Amsarnie\u2019s Prime Minister, Dereck Cartright, a sinecure-post in Bangkok that\u2019s just too good to pass.\u00a0 So Dereck decides to retire from elected politics.<\/p>\n

Dereck has a comfortable relationship with Amsarnie\u2019s Army, who organise most of the nation\u2019s crime, and\u00a0who want their own man to succeed him into office.\u00a0 The problem is that the Opposition Party are in such disarray, if Dereck announces his resignation, one of his Cabinet will take over and win any election.<\/p>\n

So Dereck can\u2019t resign.\u00a0 He has to lead the Government to ignominious defeat to enable the Army\u2019s candidate, Janey Clickert, to take power as leader of the Opposition Party.<\/p>\n

The Army take over and reinvent the Opposition.<\/p>\n

Dereck calls a press conference and admits to beating his wife, smoking crack-reefers and being on a bowling team.\u00a0 The media carve him up.\u00a0 A few voices point out that bowling isn\u2019t illegal, Dereck was never married and also beg the question, is it even possible to roll crack-cocaine in a reefer?<\/p>\n

The public, jaded after so many years of spin are suddenly excited about the issues.\u00a0 Dereck, unexpectedly, gets the highest ratings in history.<\/p>\n

Dereck\u2019s Cabinet distance themselves and make wild claims of their own, with everybody over-playing their own sordid past.\u00a0 Private detectives are hired to disprove competing claims of depravity.\u00a0 College roommates are contacted and offered money to exaggerate old stories.<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, tough, sexy, ample-bottomed lawyer, Janey Clickert establishes herself as the Opposition Candidate who can\u2019t be corrupted.<\/p>\n

Amsarnie heads into election\u2026<\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

Coming soon:<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Naked Vegetarians from the Planet Hot-Dog\u00a0<\/strong>(Working title)<\/strong><\/h2>\n
\"Naked<\/a>

Coming Soon: Naked Vegetarians from the Planet Hot-Dog (Working title) By Spade Braithwaite<\/p><\/div>\n

In his Summer ashram, in central India, after twenty one years of silence the great guru Wooli Baba uses his first utterance to inform his disciples that they are going on a mission to spread the wisdom beyond their own country.\u00a0 Very soon, he informs them, they will all be setting sail for Amsarnie.\u00a0 Jai Ganga, the guru\u2019s most faithful servant is horrified, believing Amsarnie to be somewhere in Wales.\u00a0 He is only slightly relieved to find that Amsarnie is, in fact, a mythical country, the location for a series of hilarious novels.<\/p>\n

The Guru and his entourage tour Amsarnie, f\u00eated by unprecedented crowds of adoring fans at the biggest venues wherever they go.<\/p>\n

After the tour has returned to India, Corporal Endicote of Amsarnie\u2019s army devises a cunning plan to perpetrate an ingenious land swindle by creating their own cult, oriental religion, occupying some forgotten real estate on the West coast.\u00a0 But the new religion captures the national imagination beyond anyone\u2019s expectations.<\/p>\n

Very soon the army are forced to requisition every available holiday camp to create extra ashram space.\u00a0 The public are excited on every side of the issue.\u00a0 The established religions resort to dirty tricks to recover their errant faithful.\u00a0 Satanists arrive from America, sensing the coming apocalypse.<\/p>\n

Recently recruited, twenty one year old Mathew DeSouza, of Indian ancestry, takes on his new role as Guru, the, \u201cInfinitely Enlightened Babudev\u201d, in what must be the strangest military deployment ever assigned to a professional soldier.<\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n

Please contact the author<\/a> for a full synopsis, sample chapters and information about future Amsarnie adventures.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Herbert Brewers Dirty Little Secret. (Banned in China!) Herbert Brewer\u2019s Dirty Little Secret is the first in a series of savagely funny, social-adventure novels calculated to appeal to\u00a0the readership that has made Douglas Adams, John Kennedy Toole, Terry Pratchett and … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/14"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/14\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":100,"href":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/14\/revisions\/100"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/amsarnie.com\/wordpress\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}